DIRTEATINGSHIPPING
by MYHEARTFEELSDEADINSIDE
Summary: DIRTEATINGSHIPPING.
1. Chapter 1

**DIRTEATINGSHIPPING.**  
 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** ALL OF THIS IS ENTIRELY ACCURATE AND EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS IN THE ANIME AND MANGA.

* * *

One day in Pokemon World, Maxie was obsessively fussing over his hair and clothes, making sure he appeared tidy and presentable.

Tabitha entered and cocked his head. "Sir? What seems to be the problem?"

"I HAVE A FUCKING HOTASS DATE TONIGHT, TABITHA. IF ANYTHING EXPLODES IN MY OFFICE, YOU AND COURTNEY WILL DIE."

"Yes, sir!" Saluted the admin.

Maxie waited outside the headquarters for a few minutes and soon Guzma arrived riding upon a gigantic Grubbin. "Hop in, Cherry Boi!"

The magma leader awkwardly climbed aboard the abnormally large bug creature and sat next to his date. "Hrmp, and where should we dine?"

"You know any good bars around here?"

Maxie pondered for a moment.

* * *

Meanwhile, Team Magma headquarters abruptly exploded into flames.

"WHAT THE FUCK, TABITHA!" Shrieked Courtney. "YOU DO NOT MICROWAVE THE FUCKING ROCKET FUEL!"

"I was hungry."

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PLAN ON EATING ROCKET FUEL?!"

"I WAS HUNGRY!"

* * *

An hour later, Maxie and Guzma arrived at a Chuck-E-Cheese. Maxie ordered all the booze. Guzma ordered the mascot.

"Why did you order the mascot?" asked Maxie as he proceeded to consume every last glass of booze.

"I dunno."

Five minutes of quietness passed.

"DO ME NOW ON THIS TABLE, YOU SEXYBOI." Shouted the magma leader as he threw him self upon the table, raising his bottom up into the skull leader's face.

"K." Laughed Guzma as he stood up unzipping his pants, instantly shoving his erect genitals up the magma leader's bottom ripping straight through his shorts.

Maxie instantly shattered into a billion pieces, some getting into the mascot's eyes causing him to scream.

Guzma sighed annoyed. "Aw crap."

"HA HA!" Shouted Red nearby from within a ball pit.

"SHUT UP!"

"BOSS!" cried Tabitha from within a nearby trashcan.

"WHAT!" Gasped Guzma. "YOU WERE SPYING ON US?!"

"No," frowned Tabitha as he gnawed on a discarded pizza crust. "I was hungry."

"Oh, here." He handed him the mascot. "Eat this..."

"Ok."

Tabitha and Guzma got married and everyone died.

 **TO BE CONTINUED?**  
I dunno.


	2. Chapter 2

**DIRTEATINGSHIPPING:** CHAPTER 2  
THE CIVIL WAR.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I FUCKING HATE MONOPOLY.

* * *

Within the four weeks since Guzma and Tabitha married, Guzma had brutally ripped apart Tabitha when his fist was inserted directly into the magma admin's rectum while going about the usual intercourse. Tabitha died.

Maxie was duct taped back together and infuriated he was replaced. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" He screeched as he slapped Guzma. "YOU DARE CHEAT ON ME WHILE I WAS DEAD?!"

Guzma used his fully erect genitals to slap the magma leader in his face, entirely shattering him again.

"YOU BUG FUCKER!" screeched Maxie. He died.

"FUCK OFF, DIRT BITCH."

* * *

Two days later, Guzma was infuriated that his bugs were not actually bugs and were instead bags of cocaine. He punched each and every bag while simultaneously snorting them.

Maxie observed with annoyance and stormed over to him. "THOSE GO DIRECTLY INTO MY ASS AND ARE NOT TO BE PUNCHED."

"FIGHT ME."

"No."

"FIGHT ME."

"No."

They decided to go to the zoo to observe the animals but did not make it and instead were in the kitchen of a random person's house. A child that resided within the house observed the two in utmost horror.

"I WILL FUCK THE GIRAFFES." Shouted Guzma while ramming his genitals into Maxie's face, wrecking up the magma leader's glasses.

"GET YOUR GENITALS OUT OF MY FACE." Maxie shouted.

"YEAH WELL GET YOUR FACE OUT OF MY PENIS."

Wallace frolicked into the room. "I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY PENIS?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." Screeched Guzma. "INTRUDER!"

"FUCK MY ASS." Shouted Maxie.

Wallace made a disgusted expression. "God, what? Ew, no. What the fuck. I am like straight or something."

"I MEANT TO GUZMA."

"Oh ok."

"GUZMA, FUCK MY ASS."

"NO."

"YOU FUCKER, FUCK ME NOW."

"NO."

"FUCK MY ASS NOW OR DIE."

"NO."

"FUCK MY ASS NOW."

"NO."

"FUCK MY ASS."

"Ok."

Everyone died.

 **TO BE CONTINUED?**  
yah sure whatever


	3. Chapter 3

**DIRTEATINGSHIPPING 3: THE HOTEL.**  
 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** O OK.

* * *

Maxie had just returned back from grocery shopping. He did not buy groceries because the store had caught on fire the moment he stepped in. - Walmart always seems to spontaneously explode into flames. - His lips curled upon entering the house as he found filth all over the floor. "Guzma," He glowered at the Team Skull leader. "Why is there dirt all over the carpet?"

Guzma shrugged. "You like dirt, so I put dirt and shit all over the floor."

"I DO NOT LIKE LITERAL FECAL MATTER! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU BETTER CLEAN ALL THIS UP."

"No."

Maxie stormed over and slapped Guzma, his slap feeling more like a soft pat provoking the Team Skull leader to roll his eyes and sigh loudly. "Jeez, calm down, Max. Alright! Alright, jeez! I'll clean this."

"YOU BETTER CLEAN THIS _**NOW**_."

"No."

"GUZMA, FUCKING CLEAN THIS OR I WILL-"

"I'll do this after my show."

"RARRGHH!"

Guzma flung an empty beer bottle at the television causing it to shatter. Sparks flew everywhere.

"GOD DAMN IT, GUZMA! WHY DID YOU BREAK THE TV?!"

"I was trying to change the channel."

"WHY DID YOU NOT JUST USE THE DAMN REMOTE? IT IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!"

"No." Guzma spat on the floor causing the magma leader to erupt with rage.

"WHY ARE YOU NOW CONTRIBUTING YOUR VILE HUMAN LIQUID ONTO THE DIRT AND FECAL MATTER THAT YOU SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE FLOOR?"

"Dunno."

"GUZMA, FUCKING GET UP ON OFF THE COUCH AND CLEAN ALL THIS UP!"

"No."

"CLEAN THIS UP NOW OR SO HELP ME."

Guzma sighed. "Fine." He slowly sat up, stretching and exaggerating how tired he was. Maxie approached him about to slap him another time until Guzma reached over to grab Maxie's arm yanking him close, wrapping his arms around his waste.

Maxie hissed at him.

"K, be like that, Cherry Boi." He spun Maxie around to face his back side.

"I SAID, CLEAN UP- " Guzma disrupted Maxie with licking the side of his face. "RAAAAAAAAAARGGH!" Screeched the Magma Leader, absolutely appalled upon the human saliva dripping down the side of his face. " _ **GOLISOPOD FUCKER!**_ " He was so infuriated that he released gas from his rear and spontaneously combusted into flames.

Aarune suddenly popped into the room. "YO KIDS, WANT TO BUY SOME DRUGS?! Got some weed shit here in yo-"

" _ **FUCK OFF AND DIE!**_ " Screeched Maxie dramatically in absolute misery. " _ **RARGH!**_ "

 _Garfield and Friends_ was on TV in the kitchen. Maxie pulled out a shotgun and flung it at the television to shatter it. " ** _UP YOUR ASS WITH BROKEN GLASS!_** "

"What the fuck, Cherry Boi! I was watching that!"

"NOT ANYMORE! LEAVE MY HOUSE AT ONCE!"

"No." Guzma plopped back onto the couch and instantly fell asleep much to Maxie's frustration.

Looker popped into the room causing an invisible audience to applaud and cheer. "Hey," He slightly grinned at the invisible audience. "You all gotta pay the rent." The audience laughed hysterically.

 **TO BE CONTINUED.  
 _FUHAHAHAHA!_  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**DIRTEATINGSHIPPING 4: Electric BUGaloo**  
 **AUTHOR'S' NOTE:** I DEMAND ATTENTION.

* * *

Maxie and Guzma were kicked out of the room they were staying in and went to stay within a broken-down K-Mart located within Po Town. In what was left of the furniture department, Guzma had placed a television in front of one of the couches and connected it to a DVD player to watch whatever DVDs were within the DVD clearance bin.

On the television, _Garfield: Tokyo Drift_ the movie was playing. Maxie grumbled and sat next to Guzma to watch the movie.

 _"FUCKER GO DIE IN A DITCH!" Screeched the infuriated orange striped tabby cat to his owner upon the screen. "SUFFER!"_

 _"THAT IS IT. I AM FUCKING THE MAILMAN." Shouted the sock drawer organizing dork of an owner. "I HATE YOU, GARF- " Suddenly a speeding car rammed into the building they were in._

 _Within the vehicle was a young man wearing dark sunglasses. "Lyman in the **house** , bitches."_

Maxie folded his arms in frustration upon the cinematic presentation. "You actually _enjoy_ this **garbage**?!"

"Shut up, I am watching Garfield."

"DID YOU JUST DISRESPECT ME?!"

"SHUT UP, I AM WATCHING GARFIELD!"

"THIS MOVIE IS GARBAGE. YOU ARE GARBAGE. THIS PLACE YOU ARE LIVING IN IS GARBAGE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT- "

Guzma stood up from the couch and began shrieking loudly to assert his dominance causing much fright and confusion towards Maxie and he went quiet.

Soon an explosion occurred outside the store. Maxie went to inspect. Team Skull grunts were running around with paint guns playing Splatoon. One shot at the window Maxie was peering through, splattering paint upon the glass. "MY FACE HAS BEEN SABOTAGED." He screeched.

"SHUT UP, I AM WATCHING GARFIELD."

Suddenly a car exploded into the building, running Maxie over.

The window rolled down to reveal Steven Stone. "Sup bitches."

"YOU STONE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." shouted Maxie from under the car. "HOW DAR- "

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, DIRT BITCH. I AM TRYING TO FUCKING WATCHING GARFIELD." Screeched Guzma once again. He took off his shoe and threw it at the magma leader.

 **TO BE CONTINUED.**


End file.
